Monday 7 September 2020

What a crap Father's Day

 I am not a fan of either Mother's day, Father's day or any other corporate BS. But this has got to be the worst one my family have ever had, and that is saying something. No, we don't have an easy life, we never have, with health issues and other things going on it is always a struggle.

This one hubby has spent the day in bed very ill and in excruciating pain. He has a raging fever but can't  see the GP tomorrow morning. This on top of multiple health issues and serious abdominal issues. The specialists seem to be rather of the mind set, so sad too bad. We are still waiting so long for the basic tests to be done, ( he had one months ago which turned out to be the wrong  type and unnecessary test ) and then book in for surgery. He could die in the long bloody wait. He has no quality of life.

Canberra has few specialists and especially in the field that my husband needs. It is all about the money, not human lives here. However  if you are in a private health fund they will take you in a flash. Talk about privilege It is not a privilege to be suffering serious illness that could kill you. We just have to suck it up and have no other choice. There is no COVID in Canberra either.

Can you imagine how hard it is to get through life like this? It affects my household on many levels. I am also a carer for an other family member and that takes it out of me .

It has been 9  months of misery and suffering for my family. There are other serious issues going on that I won't go into here on top of this. 

Today it is also the first anniversary of my mother in law's death, which is upsetting for my poor husband, and my mothers 20th anniversary of her death.

I can't visit my father yet again because NSW nursing homes are all back in lockdown two weeks ago. My father is very sad as he can't have any one visit. This did not need to happen. It is caused by bloody selfish people that gave no thought to spreading this virus to all and sundry. Pure evil selfishness.

All this stress and suffering also affects me when I am trying to do readings. Can you possibly imagine the pressure that I work under. That is thirty three years so far with no respite with my husbands long term health and quality of life, and there won't be any either.

It is just suck it up buttercup for both of us. So yeah it has been a crap day yesterday, but hey things have to get done and suck it up. Understandably I get pissed off when others sail through life and everything is roses for them celebrating with family. We have nothing to celebrate.

"Oh I am so proud of my grand children, they are doing this and that", blah blah blah. Guess what I have two that I can never see, due to something evil their father did. Do you know how much that hurts?  That is on our minds at Fathers  day and Mother's day every year.

I have to keep my mouth shut and suck it up. Other family that live interstate have bloody amazing lives. They know what is going on in my life but hey, tough, just suck it up. Being deliberately kept out of the loop on the births of my grand children too. But Hey I am a bloody clairvoyant and I could feel them. I know that one day my granddaughter will come to my door and ask for the truth. She will be given the truth. I also know she is a very gifted clairvoyant too. I knew that years before she was born.

My husband and I just have to suck it up. Yet the thing that pisses me off is  the cheek of family asking me to forgive,  forgive something so evil and unspeakable. I do not do forgiveness for evil. But live with the pain every day of my life. The acts of others with no soul can rip your life apart. 

It was never an easy life to begin with but, the pain and suffering just keeps on coming.

Happy Father's day to those that can have a nice father's day, just remember it is not always a bed of roses for others. It is a bed of thorns that cut deep and never heals.